Wednesday 30 April 2008

How to cure your spider phobia

This is a bit of a departure from my usual rants. I came across a post where a spider met its end because it frightened a child. Actually this is an almost foolproof method for ensuring the child will develop a spider phobia (logic: if an adult finds it necessary to kill this thing it must be a threat).

I grew up with a very bad spider phobia which I can attribute to two such formative experiences. I also had the bad luck to grow up in a country with big spiders. Every time I walked into a room the hairs on the back of my neck would rise up in case there was a spider by the light switch or above my head (there seldom was, but that's no help to a phobic).

This persisted through to adulthood. Then something happened that changed it all, for ever.

I parked my car in the garage and saw a big spider (yes, size of your hand African spider) dart behind some timber. I knew this was going to cause me real phobia problems just going into the garage again. I could see it behind the timber, so I got a high pressure hose and washed it out into the open to kill it. But when I saw it, all bedraggled and wet, legs curled up defensively, I couldn't suppress a spark of empathy. I was hurting it, not because of anything it had done to me, but because I had a problem.

Instead of killing it, I found myself coaxing her (yes, it was a her now, not an it) into a small aquarium - with the aid of a very long stick it must be said. The top was sealed with cling film, with air holes punched through it of course.

Two things followed from this.

The first and most obvious was that I could bring myself to look at the spider in safety. Initially in small doses, then in more detail. She was actually rather beautiful. The closest I can get from an image search is that she was probably a Baboon Spider. Her abdomen was covered in grey and beige fur, as were her legs, but banded with yellow underneath. I think this was warning signal because the bands became visible if she reared up.



Second, I had to feed her of course, usually grasshoppers shoved through the holes in the clingfilm. I don't know how much spiders drink, but from time to time I would "mist" her with a hand plant spray. This had an extraordinary effect on her. She would begin an elaborate cleaning routine, much like a cat. With the underside of her foremost legs she would comb her whole body, systematically. Then she would pass those parts of her legs through her jaws to clean them, then continue with the combing. That really was fascinating to watch.

I never did have the courage to handle her. I wanted to, but unlike the fat and lazy kind of tarantula she was very alert and quite fast. I just didn't know if she would be alarmed enough to bite. Venom was not the problem, but she had some pretty significant mouth parts.

Then the final chapter. One morning she was gone. In the clingfilm was a gaping hole. Ooops. The Houdini trick. I wasn't counting on that. I looked for her, but no luck. Well done me, I thought. Had a big spider in the garage. Now I have a big spider in the house. But the fear was gone!

I had a feeling I would find her that night once all the lights were out. Sure enough, after lights-out I had a look with a torch and found her on the pantry wall. I put a glass jar over her, slid some card behind that, took her outside, and released her.

She did me proud and in a significant way changed my life because my spider phobia had gone and has never returned. I hope I was a good host. I now go out of my way to be ultra-nice to spiders (aah, so that's why you don't vacuum up cobwebs says the wife); trying to make up for those I killed in my other life.

A psychologist writes:

"This is an instance of 'flooding'. The client is subjected to so much of the threatening stimulus that their fear response is extinguished. This contrasts with their usual behaviour, which is avoidance. When you avoid the threatening stimulus, you feel relief. That simply reinforces the avoidance and so perpetuates the phobia.

This was backed up by desensitisation. In effect you approach the threat from a distance (sometimes first imagining it before you even have to see it, let alone touch it). As you learn to manage each stage, i.e. without excessive fear, you move to the next. "

But central to defeating a phobia is to live through exposure to the threat. Sure, you feel your heart is going to burst out of your chest - but guess what? It won't. And when your panic has run its course and the dog turd / spider / snake / you name it is still there, it's like "What else is left?" That works, avoidance doesn't.

And it is so nice not to experience that horrible lurch in the stomach any more. And so nice not to have to kill innocent spiders.

7 comments:

Laura Jane Williams said...

This post sort of reminds me of that scene in "Sophie's Choice" where over breakfast one day daddy floats up over the table and whilst baby thinks it to be funny, mama screams and screams and screams i.e. Mama had LEARNT to be afraid of 'flying dads'. Baby hadn't. But why should we be afraid of flying dads?

Does that make sense?

John said...

Slightly surrealistic GWTM, but on the whole I think we should be afraid of flying dads. Just because.

Was that the Merryl Streep "Sophie's Choice"? Don't remember the scene at all. More Harry Potter. Keep up the good work.

Laura Jane Williams said...

I seem to remember it from the book... oh how the human brain works!

Milla said...

I do admire you. I have a terrible spider phobia - but we don't kill, oh no, we have 3 spider catchers, which allows them to be removed and chucked outside. I have toyed with aversion therapy but the problem with it is is going for it and realising that the outcome will be holding one (can barely type it) and of course from this perspective that is just unimaginable. So the course doesn't get booked. Thank you for coming to my "site" I was bowled over by your comment. Off to read about pencils now.

John said...

Milla - hi. Actually, with the desensitisation, it's much less of a deal when it comes to it. But your horror at the idea of holding one is, in a sense, part of the cure. When the worst has happened, there is nothing left. Rather than reinforcing the fear, it seems to discharge it.

Brave words! As you know, I didn't handle my spider, but it still did the trick as far as the phobia is concerned. So that may do for you too ...

PS - I have read that the Baboon spider is pretty aggressive, so maybe my caution was just as well. Many large spiders are very passive though and wouldn't dream of biting!

Carah Boden said...

Oh my GOD! - Don't try that one on me! Can do small and spindly, but big fat and furry?????????! NO THANKS! (and let's not forget the 'agressive' bit either...)

John said...

Hi Her, you sound a bit like me. My phobia only kicked in beyond a certain size; I was OK with the small ones but got the heebs with the big. However, thanks to Mme Araignée that's a thing of the past!